am i really a cyborg? and flurry - we loved you well...

I found the "hand helper" that i used last time my nerves went to sleep.
it basically looks like a blunter version of edward scissorhand's hand. a pulley is attached to a soft suede loop that cradles each finger. since i can move the fingers down, but not up, the pulley does that for me.

it is curious looking and people do stare, but without it, my hand is still, the nerves can lapses into forgetfulness. last night kat, lorie and i met to assemble press kits for nyc. (i will stay in austin, healing, making dupes, holding down headquarters. it's fine. sorta

anyway a friend of kat's came over and said i look like a cyborg. i do, i think he's onto something - - staples in my hip and up and down my arm, a titanium rod inserted in my humerus and, every so often, but at least every 15 minutes, a sharp pain in my hand, like

someone is squeezing me - or -
bees or stinging me - or-
i've stuck my finger in a socket - or -
my hand will eventually sprout metallic blades or magical electrodes

so now when the pains come i imagine they are transforming me

sad news
when i got home last night, the house smelled funny, in a bad way. I looked at the dogs, innocent, not them.
it was flurry, our little indian river beta, floating, upside down
i called annalise.
we were surprised and sad. we decided we'd taken the little guy for granted, we'd gotten used to seeing his little blue-green body darting in his bowl everyday.
we rescued him from a pet store 3 years ago, he lived a long time for a fish in a bowl we buried him in the christmas pine

i may get a goldfish, but honestly, betas and goldfish belong in rivers, not in bowls. it's all part of that horrible pet trade, a small part, but still part of it.

in seattle we had a goldfish for five years his name was "orange", i think...
annalise won him at a fair (or her, who can tell?)
fish are comforting
don't take them for granted...