a few words about Moms

I spent all day Thursday cutting together a slide show for the annual end of year choir concert. In spite of a big work deadline, a lot of work to do for the next phase of color correction for jumping, and a growing list of to do items, I was cutting pictures and video, adding titles, transitions and music, to give all the kids a visual reminder of their year in choir. The seniors got their own segment complete with baby pictures and senior pictures. We've all seen these end of year slide shows, they follow a pattern. Pictures, provacative music, etc.etc.
This was my third one and most likely, my last, as my daughter graduates in two weeks.

All through Annalise's childhood I've shot dance recitals, choir concerts, plays, talent shows, synchronized swim meets, musicals, music revues, awards ceremonies, voice recitals, even soccer games, and edited them into nice little pieces to give to other parents, other kids, coaches, teachers, etc.

Some Moms make cookies, some some show up at 6 a.m. to run garage sales, or drive vanloads of kids on field strips, I've done some of that too, but mostly, I've done the camera work and editing and VHS and now DVD making.

That's what Mom's do.

Each Mom has her own style. None of us know it all, none of us have it all down, none of us know the only or best way to be a Mom (though some certainly think they do). This is why I've loved being a Mom and meeting so many other Moms through the years. Each of us struggles to find our best way to be a Mom.

The best way to get me riled up and on my soapbox is to mention something about what all Moms "should" do. We should all, for example, put work last and kid first, all the time, every day, no matter what. If life were simple and easy, that might be possible, but it's not. There are days you have to go to work when your kid needs you, there are moments when you have to sit your kid in front of a video and grab a few minutes to write down a thought or two. There are times when you have to make a choice between giving yourself a break and building up resentment. It's a fine line sometimes and that's just how it is. There is honor in allowing yourself to be just a "sort of okay Mom" for an afternoon just as there is honor in spending an entire day rendering slide shows for the choir kids.

Through it all, my daughter was always the biggest part of my life and the part I worked hardest to be my best at.

I enjoy being a Mom and that's not to say it isn't hard. It is. The time the cat died, the time we moved, the time she wasn't chosen for something she wanted, the time I had to call her out at second base, the time we were both in the hospital and I had to see her all bandaged up and weak and sad because she was missing the 6th grade dance, those were the hardest. It's still hard to think about those times. Did I say and do the right things? Was I good enough?

After the big end of year choir concert and the slide show, two people I have a lot of respect for came up to me and told me how impressed they are with my daughter. She's confident and self assured and self possessed all in a good way. She is ready to take on the world. How did I do it?

I winged it, that's how I did it. I've been an officially solo parent, since my daughter was 18 months old. Still, there were always people right next to me: my parents, my brother, cousins, amazing teachers, choir directors, neighbors, friends, camp counselors. There were also quite a few dogs and cats and fish and a couple of horses.

So, it appears we've made it through the craziest roughest part: Birth to High School Graduation. It flew by. I messed up a lot. Sometimes I did things really well, mostly I was just good enough.


Years ago, a woman my age once pointed at me in a crowd of "friends" and said, "I'm sure Stacy would do things differently if she could". Meaning I would somehow go back in time and not have gotten divorced, or perhaps married someone else, or done something different so things were "better". I didn't have the confidence or the insight then to tell her that she didn't have a clue, that life isn't perfect and we can't guarantee our kids a perfect life, or a perfect set of parents, all we can do is give it our best.
Now, I'd just tell her, "I wouldn't change a moment."

file under: life of a mom