Jealousy is a green eyed monster.

"Jealousy is a green eyed monster," my friend Stacy just emailed me. True. But it's natural all the same. I'm feeling a little blue today. The bittersweet kind. The Zellners got into Sundance and Slamdance. The Duplass brothers got into Sundance again and "Dear Pillow" got nominated for an Independent Spirit Award. How can I not feel a tinge of jealousy. I'd be a big fat liar if I said I wasn't. But honestly, every single one of them truly deserves it. They work their asses off. The Zellners and the Duplass brothers never cease to inspire and amaze me. I just don't want to get left behind, y'know? I know that I have this really wonderful script, that's hilarious, sweet and it has my heart written all over it. And trying to get it off the ground has been pretty tough so far. And it's not getting any easier. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. Sometimes I just get a little tired. I need to wipe the sweat from my brow, take a deep breath, reassure myself that it's all worth it and keep moving.

No more turkey

I love Thanksgiving so much that I get really sad when it's over. I miss the turkey. I miss the stuffing. The turkey/cranberry sandwiches with mayonnaise. The naps in the middle of the afternoon. The "Law and Order" marathons. The late nights of bad reality television. But the cool thing about Thanksgiving is that when it's over, we have Christmas to look forward to. And usually that means, yummy food, bad television, long naps and lots of sweets. AND no work!!! For a whole week!!!

I'm planning my next short. I reserved space and dates for auditions, location scouting, shoot dates ... I'm ready. I'm ready to start new projects. I'm ready to move forward on old projects. I'm ready to get shit done.

Rabbit Ears and the Zellners

Thanksgiving Eve.  I remember this very day from 2003.  I'd gotten a call from Slamdance telling me Roberta Wells got in to the festival.  I remember running around my tiny apartment screaming, jumping up and down and dancing in a circle.  I remember phoning friends with shaky fingers and a shaky voice to tell them the good news.

I got a call from Slamdance today.  Not to tell me I got in, but to tell me  there were glitches on the tape I sent them for their shorts DVD.  Sarah, who programs the short films, also told me Walter Lehman didn't make the cut this year.  Too long, she said.  I knew this.  I had a feeling I wouldn't be going to Park City this year.  She was very sweet about it and told me she really liked the film.

I know I need to be on a set again.  It's been over six months since I made my last short and I'm feeling the anxiety.  Having dinner with the Zellners last weekend only solidified that feeling.  Hearing about their latest projects made me jealous and anxious.  I'm glad I have those boys.  Somehow, they keep me grounded.  Not to mention they make me laugh my ass off.  They make me wish I'd grown up in their family.

Here's my problem of late ... television.  I've been watching too much of it.    A few months ago Mark bought rabbit ears so he could watch baseball.  Before the rabbit ears we couldn't get any channels.  We only used it for the VCR and DVD players.  But that was fine with me.  In fact, I wanted to keep it that way.  I explained to Mark how I become a television addict.  And I hate myself for it, but I can't help it.  I'm a sucker for "Friends", "The Gilmore Girls", and "Law and Order".  I remember one weekend when Buckner and I got cable, we watched probably 20 episodes of "Law and Order" in one sitting.  Since the rabbit ears came into our house, I've been sucked into shows like "Wife Swap", "The OC", "Trading Spouses".  Last night I watched some reality show about people losing weight.  Every now and then, I'll look over at my computer which sits in the opposite corner of the TV.  It stares back at me longingly.  Begging me to come type some new script or cut and paste a short film.  But no.  I've embraced the busdriving mom from rural New Jersey who teaches the rich mom from New York to spend more time with her kids.  I hang out with Seth, Ryan, Marisa and Summer who all make being a teenager look so much cooler than it really was.  I hate myself.

IT Bands and Ice Baths

The US Comedy Festival asked us to submit Brain Brawl. Apparently they stage readings. Jim Carrey is their honoree this year. We're also waiting to find out about the Berlin Talent Campus for Brain Brawl and jumping off bridges. The two events overlap. We could either be skiing in Aspen or roaming the streets of Berlin. Either one would be pretty cool.

Still waiting to hear back from a bunch of festivals ... Sundance, Slamdance, Rotterdam, Florida, Victoria ... And a bunch of screenplay competitions ... Disney, Tribeca, Cinequest, ASA, Miramax ... I'm sure the rejection letters will start rolling in any day now.

I'm in physical therapy. It started on Wednesday. After some serious knee pain, I went to the Orthopedic doctor last Thursday. I have an inflamed IT band. Basically the tissue that runs from my hip to my knee. Every time I would run it would flare up by mile 5. It got worse and worse. And then the day after I went to the doctor, my shin started hurting. It hurt to even walk. I have tendonitis in my shin. That actually hurts the most. So basically, my whole left leg is broken (figuratively speaking). It's all a result of overtraining and running too much.

It's my first time with physical therapy. She starts with a deep tissue massage. And I hesitate to say massage because, the second time she did it, I almost started crying. I actually screamed with pain. Then I do little exercises she gives me along with working my leg on machines. And lastly, she wraps an ice pad around my leg and attaches electrodes up and down it. I'm not sure which is worse, the deep tissue massage or the ice pad. The ice pad and electrodes work their magic for 15 painstaking minutes.

She's letting me run starting on Sunday. Only 3 miles. And afterwards I have to take an ice bath. That's right, an ice bath. I have to fill up the the lower portion of the tub with ice and then sit there for 15 minutes. It makes me question whether or not I want to run again. I can't think of a more horrible punishment. It sucks! Needless to say, I won't be running the marathon in February. But y'know what? I think it's fate. The Comedy Fest and the Berlin Talent Campus would conflict with the marathon, so MAYBE my leg injury was a way for me not to shell out the $80 for the marathon because I'm destined to ski in Aspen or roam around Germany. Let's look at it that way. It's a prettier picture.

Oh yeah, I'm still 30. And I'm still lovin' it.

Birthday Weekend

I had an amazing birthday.

Highlights include:

Pineapple Cake (Homemade by my coworker Mel)
Chocolate Hazelnut Cake (Homemade by Mark's sister Amy)

A surprise visit from my best friend Clare who flew in from Seattle for the weekend. I cried, I screamed, I hugged her and wouldn't let go.

Karen's eggplant sandwiches after several glasses of wine.

Karen, Clare and I dancing at hip-hop night. Clare got hit on by some very large black man with gold teeth who said she was "one fine motherfucker".

The Scavenger Hunt:
Sean stopping traffic by doing the running man for 20 seconds in the middle of Guadelupe.
Nevie pretending to be the lead singer of Kitty Litter.
Mandy and Sean's rendition of "Sweet Child of Mine"
Mark picking his nose at a crowded bus stop.
Doing the macarena with Ken and Debbie Smith in the middle of Barton Creek mall.
Ken, Ryan and Jim stripping down to their underwear in the elevator only to be caught by someone trying to get on.

Falling in love with Egil's family.

Hanging out with my beloved friends. I must've teared up 20 times this weekend out of sheer joy.

Bicycle Girl

It was sort of a strange morning. A rather odd and somewhat disturbing beginning to my fourth decade. I started my morning walk at 6:30am. (I've been walking this week because I might have Chondromalacia patellae or more commonly ... runner's knee) I walked about a mile and headed down Duval towards San Jacinto. A young girl whizzed past me on her bike. A second or two later I heard a low thud. I didn't think much of it. About a minute or two later I see her bike in the middle of the road. I ran down the sidewalk and saw the woman lying face down in the grass. She was somewhat contorted over a huge branch that had fallen from the tree onto the ground. My heart fell to my feet. I knelt down next to her to see if she was still breathing. She was, but it was uneven and heavy. I put my hand on her back and asked if she was ok. No response. I asked if she needed help. No response. Again, I asked if she was ok. Nothing. There wasn't a soul around and nothing was open so I ran a few blocks to a coffeeshop. I called 911 and told them what happened. I was maybe gone for 3-5 minutes before getting back to her. When I got to the scene, she was gone. Her bike was still lying in the middle of the road and her headphones on the sidewalk. The EMS and firetruck came and I explained the situation. There was some lame ass guy across the street sitting in his car. I yelled at him to see if he saw her leave. He said he didn't see anything. The firefighters took her bike and headphones and asked what she looked like. They left me standing there a little shaken and unsure. I couldn't figure out what to do with myself so I walked home and cleaned my house while Mark slept. I just hope she's ok.

The day has since taken an upward turn. I've gotten a million emails from friends and family (I feel very loved) and eaten a huge piece of my coworker's homemade pineapple cake. I'm about to head to the doctor's office to get my knee x-rayed.

Waking up

I'll wake up tomorrow and be the big 3-0. Fuck yeah!

My friend Stacy bought a motorcycle in her 30s. I'm thinking of buying a station wagon.

I was reminded of my love/hate relationship with David Gordon Green this afternoon. This sort of ties in with my birthday. I love him, in that I love his films. Wholeheartedly. And he's a really nice guy. I hate him because I'm horribly jealous of his success and his talent. George Washington came out around the time of cicadas. Evil thoughts slipped into my head as I discussed Undertow with a coworker. I sometimes think about where he's at now and where I'm at. I think about the two films he's made since and all of the major film critics who pine for him. Pesky feelings of jealousy creep up. But in all honesty, he deserves every ounce of success. Sincerely. My time will come.

Fraternity Boys

I got hollered at by a bunch of fraternity boys this morning. It was 7:30am and I was minding my own business enjoying my morning walk. I wanted to yell back at them, "I'm 30, I'm too old for you!" I also fantasized about walking over there and telling them that I had 2 kids and a long term live in boyfriend. I had the kids names and ages picked out and everything.

I'm enjoying getting older. Some friends find that confusing. There's something wonderful about aging, becoming wiser. Having experienced things and being able to give advice. It's also cool to be "an older woman". Not that I have the experience or sexiness to go along with that. It still sounds cool.

Only two more days.

By the way, I LOVE cake that involves strawberries, bananas, chocolate, candy bars, caramel, coconut, tirimasu ...

Three

Three more days until I turn 30. I'm spending this entire week celebrating. I think I deserve a week for making it through three decades.

Election Day

I want it to be tomorrow. So we'll all know. So we can plan accordingly.

Good things are happening. I'm also learning the etiquette of Hollywood.